Q: I have 5 hands, 9 feet, 3 heads and 6 stomachs. What am I?
A: A liar! 

Did you hear about the person who lost their left hand in an accident? They’re all right now. 

Q: What has a face and two hands, but is correct only twice a day?
A: A clock with no batteries. 

Q: What has five fingers, but isn’t your hand?
A: My hand! 

Q: Which hand is best to write with?
A: Actually, a pen or pencil is best to write with. 

My father’s sister keeps taking the law into her hands. She’s a vigilaunty. 

On the one hand, Aisha’s friends say that she’s weird. But on the other hand, she has five fingers. 

Q: Why can’t one’s hand be 12 inches long?
A: Because it would then be a foot! 

Q: Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands?
A: Because they’re extinct. 

Q: Why shouldn’t you hold hands in a movie theatre?
A: Because you might startle strangers.